Hoppings of Roxette Bunny

Mind your carrots!

Tink alerted me to this. Seems that a man blinded his wife by throwing a carrot at her. What a waste of fine produce.

It's been hot, and I haven't felt like taking time out from the spam to deal with everything and blog. Call me a bad bunny, but you know what? I know that life continues on without little blue me.

Silver Blue bought an ice cream maker, and I'm trying to talk him into making a carrot ice cream. I think that would be ultra-yummy, while he says he's thinking about it, but isn't so sure.

Tink's finally got herself a man. That's a good thing -- they enjoy time together and he even spoke when he came over to the house. He gets the paw of approval from me.

PoloRandy goes in to have his arm cut off hopefully have the foreign body extracted from his elbow so he can be out of pain for the first time in six months.

Silver Blue's also getting ready for several road trips, so, I'm sure we'll see even less of him than normal. Travel safely, you big lug.

Now, time for some jokes:

Ocean? What ocean?

I have no idea how this works, I have never been that good at these optical pictures!!!! But the friend who sent me this said if you stare at it long enough, you should be able to see the ocean .

Good luck because it didn't work for me...I don't see any ocean !

----

One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, "Don't forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty."

Predictably he didn't remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, "And where was it we were moving to?"

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, "Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Would you know which way it went?"

She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I'll show you."

----

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

----

Mrs. Walker, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her Weight-Watchers meeting.

"My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure." she lamented to the woman next to her.

"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that?"

"He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings"

----

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I’m going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark."

And in a flash of lightning,He delivered the specifications for an Ark.

"Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints.

"Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You’d better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."

Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front-yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems.

First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn’t meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to re-draw the plans.

Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system.

"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

"Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince the U.S.Fish and Wildlife that I need the wood to save the Owls. But they wouldn’t let me catch any owls. So, no owls.

"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.

"Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. "Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being.

"Then the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

"Right now, I’m still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I’m supposed to hire.

The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax.

I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you’re not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has".

----

A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot.

The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot.

The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.

The elephant then continues on its way. "I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember me?" the man muses to himself.

It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the States.

He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost like it KNOWS him.

The man wonders, "Could this be that elephant I helped so long ago?" He decides to get a closer look.

With the elephant still giving him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the elephant's face.

It reaches down... picks the man up carefully with its trunk... lifts him high in the air...

THROWS HIM CRASHING TO THE GROUND AND STOMPS HIM TO DEATH!

Turns out it WASN'T that elephant.

----

and finally:

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden new that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time.

Some three years later, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And, he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Andy was a model inmate.

One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top. So, he called Andy into his office and asked him to do the job for him. To the warden's surprise, Andy simply refused to help.

"But, you're an expert. Andy, I really need your help," said the warden.

"Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."