June 10, 2005

Cleaning out

and making you laugh.

I just hopped over to Tink's Blog and then hopped in here, to find the place awash in spam.

Got rid of it, and now decided to try and make you laugh. So, here are some jokes:

A recent suicide was found as follows: 34 yr. old white male found in the basement of his home died of suffocation. He was approximately 6' 2" and 225 lb. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes and a woman's wig.

It appeared that he was trying to create a school girls uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to a hollow wooden piece of a bed post approximately 12 inches long and 3 inches in diameter. This bedpost was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.

It was difficult to explain the circumstances of his death to his family members.


A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

He observed, "You all have obsessions."

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.

He turned to the third mom, " Your obsession is alcohol. It manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're going home."


Three men of the cloth from the country were having lunch in a diner. One said, "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything - noise, spray, cats - nothing seems to scare them away."

Another said, "Yes, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since!"


Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God will get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."


And finally:

A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out. The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"

The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."

The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"

The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!"


Now that the weather has gotten hotter, I'm finding myself spending more and more time indoors and less and less time outside grazing the clover and carrot patch, so...

Until next time,
much bunny love....

Posted by Roxette at 02:46 PM | Comments (0)