April 05, 2005

The Return of the Great Bunny

SilverBlue is attempting to be Why's (Wise)

As the Great Bunny, I feel the need to provide some answers.

Why is it that when someone makes a good point in their blog, you go back to link to it and find out it’s gone? That’s happened to me several times at several places on the web the past week or so. Guess that’s what they mean by “don’t wait, do it now, you can never go back.”

That is because not even time is a constant, therefore since time can flow forwards and backwards, and in effect stand still, it is you who is failing to change, not the events around you.

Why is it when one speaks of “you can never go back” (also known as “Crossing The Rubicon” in mythology - going past the point of no return)…well, what is the ONE Rubicon that you crossed that you wish you hadn’t?

When I informed YOU that I didn't mind training bears. We now have over 2,000 of them in the house and there's only one ME. What were you thinking???

Why is Kirstie Alley so damn annoying? Ok, we get the fact you’re a fat actress. We get the fact you haven’t had sex in umpteen years. We get the fact that you’re spokesperson for Jenny Craig. But why are you like Visa, everywhere I want to be with your annoying “Jenny? I only have one chin!” self?

She's got one minute of her 15 minutes of fame left, and she's trying to fatten IT up for the slaughter. At least they should try keeping her OUT of the form fitting outfits that make her look less human, more whalelike.

Why do I feel compelled to buy a bumpersticker that states: “More Me - Less You”?

Because I'm rubbing off on you. That's my mantra.

Why are they called “refried beans” when they haven’t been fried for the first time? (I know the answer to this one — a mistranslation of the Spanish term.)

Because "can of farts" just didn't have the marketing power?

Why IS the hardest part of love the letting go?

Because, if done properly, after you've been screwed over, trying to extract the knife out of the other's back is a touchy activity. There's muscle, sinew, and bone to have to contend with, and who wants to leave a good piece of cutlery behind?

Why is it that the ones you love the most are the ones who (1) are the farthest from you or (2) can’t stand your guts or (3) say they just want to be friends or (4) decide to commit emotional suicide or (5) become stalkers until you find your pet bunny in a pot? (No, not Roxette Bunny™)

SHIVER. Ok, in order (1) Absense makes the heart go fonder (2) you're a masochist (3) you're stupid (4) they're stupid, (5) they're studying to be Glenn Close.

Why does there always have to be a morning after?

Because if there wasn't, there'd never be the night before.

Why do people feel it their calling to cheer you up when you’re depressed by saying (1) I know how you feel, (2) I’ve gone through the same thing or (3) it’ll get better! Maybe, just maybe (1) no you don’t, (2) no you haven’t, and (3) no it won’t.

You'd never know how nice life could be if it weren't for these twits, would you?

Why ask why?

Because if you didn't, then the Great Bunny couldn't harass you. Now get back to work!

Posted by Roxette at April 5, 2005 01:55 PM
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